There is a popular statement that says, “A guy and a girl cannot be just friends.”
Although the origin of this saying cannot be fully traced, one thing is certain: the authenticity it carries has been felt by both genders for generations.
For a statement that has unidentified roots, this sure packs a punch, especially when its effect is seen and experienced by different people daily. If we were to look at this squarely, what truly is it about a man and a woman that makes it so hard for both parties to JUST BE FRIENDS?
Regardless of the need to find love, marry a partner, start a life, and settle down, both parties deserve to find love in other people. Love as friends because even though people need partners, they also need relationships; friendly relationships.
The scary thing about this is the fact that in marriage, people expect their partners to be everything. Their lover, their friend, their baby, and even their parent-figure Maybe thatās why “youāre my everything” slaps harder after you realise no one can be your everything.
I mean, before relationships you have friends, lots of friends, but immediately you get into a relationship, your friends become suspects to your partner. Why?!
Why do both genders fall into a frenzy of emotional attachments after sharing simple things like pleasant memories?
Why is it that men always want more without considering the women they fall in love with? Why do they like putting women in tricky situations where they have to lose a friend, someone they felt super-comfortable with because they donāt want him as a lover?
Apart from the statement at the start of this read, the super-wise ancestors didnāt want to be silenced just yet, oh no! They had to just give an explanation for the first quote, this time a clarification on why men and women canāt be friends.
They said, “For every friendship between a man and a woman, thereās someone who loves the other a little more than just friends.” Itās obvious love sustains a friendship, but when said love turns into romantic attractions, it destabilises the friendship as one partner now wants the forbidden fruit: a relationship.
Ever heard of the dreaded ‘Friend-zoneā? “You are like a brother or sister to me.” It hurts. The silent shatter of confidence and the crashing of ego caused by the rejection of oneās love advances.
You shouldnāt expect someone to love you just because you love them. They have the right to turn down your love. However, if you really think about it, rejection can be avoided by setting boundaries. For some women and men, friendship is a subtle way of showing a person that you are a worthy partner for their love.
Sadly, this approach sure has its ups and downs. Knowing who should be a friend and when it is appropriate to love, is a skill all should have,. But as they say, the heart wants what it wants, or maybe it is us that think that.
Even though there are exceptions of people who have fallen in love with their friends and ended up together, we can all agree itās easier said than done.
After all, society advises you to marry your best friend. I wonder if we, as individuals, take that advice. We still see more people getting put in those special boxes called the “friend-zone,” and worst of all, manipulated to think that thereās a beautiful happy-ever-after in sight.
If you feel this is awkward for men, I wonder how you will react when you hear a woman’s side of the story.
Constantly being put in situations where you couldnāt share mutual ties with a man unless there was emotional entanglement. Not only is that too much pressure, it can be overly restrictive, over demanding, and emotionally damaging.
If thereās any progress to be made, some men should understand that they canāt have every woman, and women also need to be civil enough not to be greedy by wanting so much from someone they want to give so little. Hopefully, this can change the narrative and friendship wonāt be so sinister any longer.
We can do better, all of us. Isnāt it weird to find love in the office or perhaps have your soulmate as a classmate? How do you function in such a situation. Like, how do you be yourself?
It may seem cute and all, but believe me when I say, sometimes you donāt find love in hopeless places.
Everybody needs a friend, donāt mess it up by saying, āI think Iāve fallen in love with you.ā We canāt all love each other, and a world with just the people we are in love with will get boring.
Have you ever lost a friend because they wanted more than friendship? Share your story.
Sometimes, I wonder if the concept we call love is overated. I’m one for boundaries but have also heard and seen the most beautiful love stories start from friendship. In the end, the heart wants what it wants. One question to close this out. If you find out you’ve fallen for a friend, in all honesty and want to navigate back to friendship, what exactly should you do? How do you have that conversation?
It takes maturity in all sincerity because this is a situation that is so awkward. If the other party understands, however, you both can work something out.