Your Ex Is Not Wrong; Exes Are People Too!

If I were to ask you right now, what you think about your EX, I’m sure the first memory that would flood your mind is how he/she hurt you.

We can all agree nobody loves a bad breakup. Most especially when you gave everything to that relationship. If you want to be sincere, believing he/she was the one, you would say, was your greatest mistake.

That’s life, I guess. Shit happens.

Okay, let’s pretend the breakup was a mistake. Would you take back your ex if he/she came begging?

This is where things start to get interesting. Why? Because the answers we hear are mind-blowing. Try asking around and see.

“I can’t go back to my vomit.” Why is it that we talk about our exes as though they were some plague? “I suffered in x’s hand,” “I must have been a fool to have loved x.”

We tell our breakup stories as though we are saints. Martyrs who were sacrificed after they had done everything well. Angels, who showed nothing but pure love, only to be stabbed by the sword of an unwanted breakfast.

Truth be told, exes have a bad PR. It’s not just when you tell the story, but vice versa, too. What if your ex was in the same room as you while you told someone the reason you both broke up.

Can you be brave enough to give an unbiased account? The truth, and nothing but the truth. The reason people feel confident lying to their ex just so they can be innocent continuously beats my imagination.

Imagine your ex sitting there, hearing your version of the story you must have shared countless times. The story where you play the hero, and they, the villain.

If we were to pass the mic and hear their side, be sincere, would you still be the angel you claim to be?

In the spirit of maturity, we all have fucked up. After all, in one way, or the other, we are somebody’s ex. It’s either we’ve broken a heart or had ours broken. Sounds like a fair trade, if you ask me.

Everyone has a reason why they broke up, the same way we had our reasons to break up with someone else.

Nevertheless, this logic doesn’t stop us from pulling out the victim card when they tell us “It’s over. It’s not you, it’s me.”

We start to dislike them for not wanting us (anymore) because we feel we’re so perfect. Why should anyone reject us?

This confusion becomes anger. Until, slowly but gradually, it grows into hate.

Sadly, except in those rare cases where both parties sit and agree to that epic line, “I don’t think this is working anymore,” a split in a relationship is often concealed from one partner by the other.

I guess this is what makes the surprise even more painful. The mere fact that one partner can conceal dissatisfaction, shows we are not as clean as we think.

Unknowingly, we, too, share unspoken blame in our breakup story. Probably a character your ex pointed out, maybe the inconsistency of the attention you showed. Something tiny, something that you never thought would be an issue, till it became the defining issue.

Have you ever stopped to think, maybe that relationship wasn’t meant to be. You know people often develop the habit of forcing things, even when the red flags are glaring.

Don’t know about you, but sometimes, as you grow, you begin to learn some of the things you thought were the best for you, were not even meant to be after all. Not all love is real love. That’s something some of us learned the hard way.

We can’t blame our ex for wanting the best for themselves. I mean, if you’ll be brave enough to admit, humans are selfish. Yes, you and I. We are all selfish.

In one way, or the other, we’ve wanted something better. Isn’t that why they say some breakups set you free?

Your Ex isn’t different. He/she wanted something better. Sadly, you were not enough (For them). Why should that hurt you? Just kidding, that would hurt as hell.

No matter what, the fact is, your ex is human, as you are. They have the right to leave, even if it’ll hurt you. Their reasons are valid (to them), except for cheating. If they cheated, fuck them. Good riddance to bad nonsense!

My only fear is, I hope you weren’t cheating too because enjoying the attention from other men is kinda similar to getting pictures from other girls. (Last last, all of us na ashawo).

I mean, why does love have to turn so powerfully into hate when it’s no longer shown to us? Especially when you see the same person that caused you pain move on with their life so quickly.

Something inside us wants them to share our misery. To at least, show a certain form of solidarity. To suffer with us, since we had once shared love. Immediately that doesn’t happen, our default is to feel betrayed.

Of course, I won’t deny the fact that second chances exist. You and your ex could get back together, but for those who aren’t that lucky, should you hate them forever?

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to deceive your heart that you can be friends without healing properly.

I, for one, think disappearing to heal is good. You don’t want to be trapped in that entanglement where you don’t know what you both are; You’re not in a relationship, and you’re not friends, you’re just there, in the great in-between. Two people, with bandages on unattended emotions.

You see, exes are people too. They make mistakes, they are selfish, they want the best, and sometimes that’s not you. Rather than hate, why don’t you accept it and move on with a head held high that something better is on the way?

We can’t continue to hate people for what they did to us. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Your ex may be wrong, but you can be better. Heal, grow, and rise above the hate.

Honestly, you can’t continue like this. Maybe, hopefully, the person you broke up with will do the same for you. What we need is more love, less ego. (See what I did there?)