My Dad used to say, “Dem no dey tell blind man say rain dey fall.” He says it in pidgin, and then I used to laugh. These days, I ponder. Even when wisdom comes in a comic form; it should not be laughed at, but pondered upon.
Our problem is that we like to laugh. Collectively, Nigerians love entertainment way too much. We laugh at comedies, at people, our problems, and even at things we should not.
I’m not judging; laughter is good for the heart. I mean, people should be happy, especially in a country that serves sadness as an appetizer, main course, and dessert.
I think what my dad was trying to teach with that proverb is that when a situation becomes real, you will not need to be told.
It’s way easier to say something than it is to do it.
How many times do we hear that it’s bad to hold a grudge? How many times do we ending up ‘beefing’ people?
That’s one thing I admire about my dad. He doesn’t let malice thrive, at all. He might get angry at you, but forget why the next minute and want to talk with you immediately. Let me give you context.
My dad screamed at me in the car, I got mad and immediately put on a face. The next stop he was asking me if I wanted something and started telling me to comment on his ‘James Bond’ driving.
African parents and never saying sorry… Mtcheeew! Where were we, jare…
As you grow, you will realize that being hurt is something that you will experience. The hard part, however, is forgiving and ‘forgetting’ the ones that hurt you.
It’s normal, we are all flawed, nobody is perfect.
Even the black sheep are still sheep. We’ve been them at some point in our lives.
I’m not saying you should go around hurting people and gaslighting them into forgiving you, no. Besides, it’s not everyone you can tolerate after all. You’ll eventually let some people go, but what about the ones you care about? What happens then?
If you let me contribute my 50 cents, I’ll simply say this; Many men, will test you, but never let silence win.
You know how they say there are no little things? I believe that was a warning about silence. Silence is the very foundation that malice builds its church upon.
When hurt, talk about it. Don’t let it slide, and when you have forgiven or the person has apologised, learn to move on.
If you forgive and cut the person off, verily I say unto you, you have done an incomplete task.
It may not be easy, start small. Do checkups, do small talk, give your heart that has been trained to hold on to hurt the discipline to hold on even tighter to love.
Malice, just like every bad thing, grows fast. It’s like a weed, and silence is the loamiest of soils for its seed. Of course, your favourite line will be that you need time to heal. Even when we both know you are trying not to speak to them again..
Nevertheless, as you heal, don’t use silent treatment as medication.
I understand that not everyone will eventually make it back to your friend list after you’ve set your boundaries, treated your scars, and learnt from your mistakes, but still, let’s be a little patient this year and temper cutting off with second chances.
We are all dealing with various spectrums of trauma we need to heal from, nobody ‘completely’ has their ducks in a row.
You can’t keep losing people, especially the ones you say you care about, using the same excuse. The wheel keeps rolling; We meet new people, they get close, they might hurt us, it’s normal. What we do after is what shows our strength.
I just hope with the ‘audacity’ in the air this 2026, when someone asks you, what about [insert any name], your response won’t be, ‘we don’t talk anymore.’
You’re not Charlie Puth.
