Someone once said that everyone is like a guest house. In my mind, I rejected that idea.
I asked, in the same way anyone would, āWhy canāt I be a 5-star hotel?ā I mean, if Iām going to be a place where people can stay, why shouldnāt I be a luxurious escape?
Sadly, that was not her point. She was metaphorically trying to tell us that weāll meet various people in life.
Simple, plain, and straightforward.
Although she was talking about emotions and how we should entertain all without selecting who stays or leaves, I thought about life in a similar way.
My momās favourite advice to me when I was growing up was to focus on myself. She said, āFriends will come and go, and you shouldnāt get lost in waves of continuously trying to gather them.ā
Twenty-something years later, that advice still proves to be true. Those who will stay will stay, and those who will go will go. Those who will hurt you will come, and those who youāll love will come as well.
We must always keep a ready room for the people thatāll walk into our lives. A clean room, with a neatly made bed because we do not know the intentions of a visitor until they reveal them.
It is as inevitable to be hurt as it is to be loved. No one overshadows the other. Itās a balance: some will hurt you, some will love you, but all will teach you.
Forgive those who hurt you, and accept the lesson they brought as a tip for the service of your kindness. Healing isnāt something we do very well, so thereās always a leftover grudge to serve the next guest.
It is served on different plates: as the extra cautiousness not to let your guard down, the suspicion when something similar to a known pattern begins to happen, the long jump into the pool of assumption, and last but not least, the constant need for reassurance.
Nothing is ever enough for you. You might wear some people out with your insecurities. Other times, you manifest your fears into your new relationships.
Do you know whatās funny?
Not only do you pass the pain of the past to the innocent people you meet next, but you also canāt vouch that you will never make the same mistake again because of the experiences from your past.
Life is unpredictable. The only way to solve the puzzle is by living it.
All your insecurities do is drain your heart of its trust, love, and faith. In contrast, healing helps you move past that situation without killing your emotions.
We can go on and on about how people have hurt us, how we want to protect ourselves now, how itās best everyone stays on their own.
āI know, you donāt want to take another chance. People know exactly what they are doing, and if they hurt you, they meant it, and they deserve everything that comes to them.ā
Thatās valid. You should have boundaries, not blockades. You should have principles, not walls. You should have ground rules, not checkpoints. You should have forgiveness, not revenge.
Easy for me to say, right? Wrong. We are all in this together. One thing I know for a fact is that a wall will protect you and still shut out the good people you are yet to meet.
Stop judging other people with someoneās mistake. You need to give people a second chance.
Remember, forgiveness doesnāt mean forgetting; it means choosing to move forward without carrying the burden of past hurts.
One of my favourite lines from this is, “It is as inevitable to be hurt as it is to be loved.”
While we’d all prefer to experience more love, life often has other plans. Ariana Grande’s song “Thank U, Next” came to mind as I read this, particularly the part where she reflects on how each of her relationships taught her something. It’s a reminder that getting hurt is part of life, but how we choose to deal with that hurt is ultimately our responsibility.
I used to joke with a friend about how we sometimes doubt the sincerity of compliments because we had become so guarded. We reached a point where it became hard to believe that anyone was truly genuine, but reflecting on this, we both realized it was not a healthy mindset. We realized that we might be pushing away good people simply because we had “trust issues.”
It’s important we learn how to heal properly so we donāt become toxic to ourselves or those around us.
Thank you, Inny. I loved every part of it ā¤ļø. It was so relatable. I think you should consider hosting a podcast on this as well. These are conversations that really need to happen.
Thank you my online bestie for this article. But what do you have say when you give people second chance and they eventually hurt you as hard as the previous people that came to oneās life especially in romantic relationship.
I like this comment specially.
Awesome read. As I was having flash back memories of encounters I’ve had with people that has shaped the way I view relationships. Thanks for sharing!