Her name is Mara Derwent-Ashton. If you have a good memory, you may remember her as Samantha, the British woman who played Osuofia’s wife in the blockbuster Osuofia in London, released in 2003.
In an interview reflecting on her experience filming in Africa, Mara spoke about the resilience and warmth of the people she encountered.
“It made me really admire and appreciate how hard it is and how tough everyone is there,” she said.
She went on to add: “Everything is more difficult there, and that’s what they deal with every day, so to them it’s normal. But to me, it was all very humbling because living in those conditions and still smiling, being warm and lovely, is admirable.”
Africa is a beautiful place, and as a people, we dey try. We have our good qualities, and we also have our flaws. One of those qualities is how deeply connected we are to one another, especially when an African child becomes successful.
Nobody tells you about it while you are still struggling. They tell you success will change your life; they forget to add that it may also change everybody else’s.
The breakthrough you spent years pursuing quietly doesn’t just belong to you alone. It becomes communal property.
Slowly, but surely, you discover that your income now has relatives. The phone calls increase. The requests become more frequent. So now, you find yourself asking a question that few Africans discuss openly.
How Much Is Enough For Black Tax?
In many parts of the world, a promotion primarily changes the life of the person receiving it. In many African families, a promotion creates ripple effects that extend far beyond the individual.
Suddenly, people begin making plans that involve your money without your consent. The requests come from real situations and real needs, which is precisely why they are so difficult to refuse.
If black tax were merely about greed, the conversation would be easy. Human beings love problems with obvious villains. They enjoy situations where one side is clearly wrong, and the other side is obviously right.
Black tax refuses to cooperate with that simplicity because in this case, the challenge is rarely greed.
The challenge is need. A need that has a way of making every decision feel moral.
Every request carries emotional weight. Every refusal feels like a small act of betrayal. And because the need is often genuine, many successful people begin carrying responsibilities that expand far more quickly than their incomes.
When ‘God Did’ Becomes Debit
At first, you give because you genuinely want to help. You remember the sacrifices that brought you here. You remember the people who carried burdens on your behalf.
You remember seasons when someone else’s generosity protected you from hardship.
Giving feels natural, and so you give. You help not because sometimes you want to, but because saying no feels impossible.
You give until the question is no longer, “Can I do this?” but, “Can I live with myself if I don’t?”
The moment generosity becomes driven entirely by guilt, resentment quietly sets up camp in the background. At this point, aje, dem don get you.
You find yourself giving even when somewhere within you, a small voice is asking questions nobody wants to hear.
Who is carrying the person doing the carrying?
You Won’t Rise If You Only Lift Others
Perhaps the most profound lesson about black tax comes not from economics but from aviation.
Every flight begins with a familiar instruction.
In the event of an emergency, secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. The instruction sounds selfish until you understand what it is really saying.
A person who cannot breathe cannot save anybody else. Yet you structure your finances according to the opposite principle.
You fund every emergency, respond to every request, postpone savings, ignore every plan that provides you a safety net because there’s nothing that should be bigger than family.
A good samaritan I stan. In Geh Geh’s voice, “no worry, you go soon cry!!!”
Always remember, no reservoir continues supplying water if nobody replenishes it. At some point, wisdom requires acknowledging that sustainability is not selfishness.
A person who destroys their future while trying to save everybody else’s may eventually become the next person requiring rescue.
Even Heroes Deserve A Break
The Gospel accounts are filled with people seeking healing, direction, provision, and miracles. Need surrounded Jesus everywhere He went. Yet there were moments when He withdrew.
Moments when He focused on a smaller group rather than responding to every demand around Him.
This is significant because it confronts a difficult reality: Need is infinite; you are not.
No matter how much money you earn, there will always be another request, and because requests never end, wisdom requires understanding that no single individual can become an entire welfare system.
Not even for people they deeply love. It’s a really crazy concept because, and I want you to think with me for a moment.
If every generation spends its life carrying the problems of the previous generation without creating stability for the next, then the burden never truly disappears.
First of all, amazing writing as always. You really know how to pick a topic, honestly. Always know it’s gonna be an intelligent read whenever I click a link of yours.
Now, to the bone of contention, this is quite a difficult one, in my opinion. In Nigeria, as far as I know, there’s only two extremes. Selfishness and selflessness. One end can be wise but seemingly wicked. The other end is kind but can also be foolish. I don’t know that people are willing to look at someone choosing themselves and term it as anything other than selfishness, especially when it comes to family. It’s unfortunately not an objective discuss and varies.
I think the problem is learning how to say no to certain asks. Everyone knows they need to do things for themselves first, but the struggle is actually going through with it when you know the condition of a loved one or you’re trying to help someone in a bad place. Will you be a ‘witch’, and survive the next month or will you be a saint and starve?
Lovely lovely write-up again❤️
Thank you for sharing!
Just wow.
Your comical way of writing is applaudable.
You already know how i feel about your writing. Yet another amazing write up
Keep up the good work Inny.
Like I always say, you keep giving us something to think about with every blog post.
I have an unpopular opinion, I think being selfish can sometimes be a good thing.